You never see the hard days in a photo album...but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next.

A very warm welcome to my thoughts and opinions. These lyrics from Megadeth's Peace Sells resonate with me. What do you mean, "I can't get to work on time"? I got nothing better to do And, what do you mean, "I don't pay my bills"? Why do you think I'm broke? Huh? What do you mean, "I hurt your feelings"? I didn't know you had any feelings. What do you mean, "I ain't kind"? I'm just not your kind.

me.

I have a penchant for sweet delights be it chocolate lava cakes or eye candy in my favorite tv show. I adore being a couch potato and my recent addiction is NCIS and The Big Bang Theory.

8:57 PM

Monday, March 21, 2011

It's 8.44pm. I'm still in the office. I'm so tired and overwhelmed I just feel like crying. But boy am I fighting the urge with every ounce of my strength. I actually had a great weekend. I left the office on Friday at 11pm but after that it was good.

Caught up with a good friend of mine, went to a housewarming/pot luck lunch.

In the midst of all that, the weekend was an eye opener. Here's the thing. Based on my past experiences and so forth, I've never really felt a connection with my dad. I've always had or made a greater effort connecting with my mom. For various reasons of course.

And recently, I've had to keep him company mostly cause my mom was out of town and so was my other half. And I spent most of my time in the office and what little time left catching up on my social life. Stayed with my dad to keep him company in theory. And when I came home I realised he looked miserable and lonely. And the more I delved I realised he's become frail and weak. He has so many ailments it scares me alot. And somewhere along the way it hit me I felt like someone slapped me and it was still stinging. I know it sounds ridiculous even as I type it but I simply took him for granted. All the times he's helped me fix stuff like the shower head, or cooked bak kuh teh for me. I've taken it all for granted. And it suddenly dawned on me that he's aged so much. He's no longer strong and robust and young anymore. I have to take care of him.

And as that realisation dawned on me there's an overwhelming sense of guilt and regret for being rude to him and mean to him and generally a twit at times. Once I realised it I quickly asked to spend what little time I had with him. I suggested it and brought him out. And mind you it was a small outing just to Ikea and Giant supermarket, just the two of us. And the smile on his face and the twinkle in his eye - I can't even begin describe how I feel after that.

I know I usually try to bury all this deep within me but I had to pen this down somewhere. Just so that I don't forget and regret this in my life later. It's the littlest things that matter. Alot. Honestly, I love my dad very much and my mom too and I need to remember to tell them that and show them that. I know that I'll lose them one day but honestly I'm terrified of that day and I hope it never happens.