And just like that the new year has started.
2011 and all its craziness.
Every single new year eve during the countdown I somehow expect something different.
Some kind of emotion before this hyped up new year.
Every year it falls flat.
I wonder whether anyone else goes through this.
Once the happy new year wishes start ringing out loud, I don't feel anything different and am met with a strange sort of disappointment. I feel this weird out of body experience where I'm just wishing people 'happy new year' but kind of dead and empty on the inside.
Perhaps because a new year as time goes on doesn't represent something to look forward to in that particular year. Or I don't see how the years make any difference after all who decided a year has to be 365 days?
New Years Eve used to be an excuse to go out and party, drink and have a good time with a whole bunch of people.
Over the years, I've experienced getting stuck out unable to get home for hours on end with no cab, no public transport and people just lined up along the streets absolutely stranded. That memory is deeply entrenched in my mind. Honestly can't recall which year it was but it horrid. I was knackered and by the time I reached home after walking 3/4 of the way was almost 6am.
Somehow my brain now associates new years eve with nothing to be excited or happy about. Strange but oh so true.
I've been racking my mind to remember how I've spent nye but I honestly can't recall much. I remember quite a few nye was spent in my parents house with major parties, tons of ppl, but nothing memorable for me in particular. A blur bunch of memories. Then I remember I went to CHIJMES for a couple of years with my pri/sec friends to soak in the atmosphere. Even then I had this strange out of body experience where I wasn't really enjoying it but merely going through the motions.
I remember one year vividly going to church to countdown and usher in the new year which I used to do with my mom for a couple of years. That specific year I went with my boyfriend (now hubby) and his friend. The reason why I remember it, he gave me a lovely new year's gift one I will remember for many years. He whispered in my ear that he loved me. It surprised me so much. And then we went to Chijmes with his friend and got his friend really really drunk. It was fun. Not very fun carrying the friend back but still memorable and enjoyable. Another year it was spent going to Timbre I think with friends drinking and having fun. I think that's the year we got trapped in town unable to go home till 6am. A few years are a complete blur and last year was spent visiting houses. Coz we were so busy trying to make it in time for two different houses we didn't manage to countdown or anything we basically missed it in the car. It felt like a rush of obligations.
This year we decided to do away with all that. Neither of us are crowd people. Stayed at my parents place and just chilled out in front of the tv. My friend came over (for some reason we usually spend nye together either at chijmes or chilling out at my parents place w drinks) and we had baileys, cheese and watched crappy movies. It was homely and lovely. But still at the time to wish everyone 'happy new year' the same ol' empty feeling in my gut arose.
Perhaps in my mind there isn't any meaning or emotional attachment and therefore hold no place in my "special" occasion territory. Just like valentine's day which really is just a commercial day it holds no meaning for me. But the day I first started dating my husband or my parents wedding anniversary seems to fill me with more oomph for lack of a better word.
