You never see the hard days in a photo album...but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next.

A very warm welcome to my thoughts and opinions. These lyrics from Megadeth's Peace Sells resonate with me. What do you mean, "I can't get to work on time"? I got nothing better to do And, what do you mean, "I don't pay my bills"? Why do you think I'm broke? Huh? What do you mean, "I hurt your feelings"? I didn't know you had any feelings. What do you mean, "I ain't kind"? I'm just not your kind.

me.

I have a penchant for sweet delights be it chocolate lava cakes or eye candy in my favorite tv show. I adore being a couch potato and my recent addiction is NCIS and The Big Bang Theory.

10:40 PM

Sunday, October 10, 2010

To be very honest I've been pretty down and out for a few weeks. All I wanna do is hole myself up at home and lie on the couch and watch tv non-stop. That's pretty much how all of my weekends have been. Filled with sporadic cleaning and household chores.

I don't quite know why yet. I feel very unsociable. I went out yesterday with a friend mainly coz I havent met her in a while and I felt so terribly guilt-ridden. It was fun and it felt good to get out of the house and hang out with someone who I've known since primary 5.

I don't want to bring anyone else down with me. Today I feel rather disappointed coz someone promised to have dinner with me but ended up being a no-show. No call, nothing. Not till I called and that person was having fun with some other people far away from me really. The thing is I never expected to have dinner with that someone I was perfectly happy curled up at home. But now I feel more miserable than I originally was.

Sometimes I wonder whether I have bi-polar or some weird ass depression syndrome. I can get really down.

And frankly its coz I regret so much of my life and my decisions and how it's spanned out. Most of the time I don't and I try very hard to live my life without regrets coz it eats away at me.

I keep wondering what would have happened if I didn't give up on myself in JC.

What if I did so well that I got the scholarship to Indiana University as I desired.

Or actually went to the course in the local uni I wanted.

Or majored in a totally different profession.

Or managed to live far away from Singapore.

What then?

I doubt I'd be happier really. But perhaps a lil more fulfilled.

The What Ifs are eating away at me all of a sudden. Its hurting me more than anything.

What if I didn't leave my previous job?

What if this profession is totally out of my league?

I'm even wondering about my personal life. The only way to stop my brain from thinking too much really is to veg in front of the tv. And that's why I watch way too much tv that's good for me really. That's my rationalization.