Every time someone asks me so are you happier here in comparison to where you were before I'm at an absolute loss of how to answer.
As much as it pains me to accept it, I'm not ra-ra happy nor am I as passionate about the topic as I was before. But I believe it's because I barely know any topic in depth so how do I be passionate about it?
I miss my past unbelievably. At the same time I know that it will never ever be the same by returning. Everything has changed. Alot.
People say I look much happier. Do I? I have no clue.
I do feel more carefree, relaxed and not as tightly wound up as before.
So my response, in typical PR fashion as much as I balk about it is, too early to assess. It's my attempt to keep judgement away as much as I can and give it a fighting chance.
On another note, I have this friend that I've known since I was in secondary school (not from my secondary school tho) and every time I meet her she goes on and on about how I'm not as fun as I used to be. As hard as I try to not let it get to me, it gets to me.
I've been struggling to remember what was it that has switched me to this serious person. I used to be totally zany. I know that but I can't seem to let this extremely tightly wound coil within me loose anymore. And more than anything it scares me.
Was it work?
Was it being in a relationship? (as much as she feels it is i really doubt it)
Was it experiencing the deaths of people I knew?
Was it just that I'm growing up?
The methodical analysis of why I've changed is rather cumbersome. I hope I can just let loose and go crazy. Someone or something needs to be my catalyst. I hope I find my catalyst soon before I turn 57!
Movies I've caught since Friday:
Expendables - Worst ever
Youth in Revolt - Terrible movie
She's out of my league - In comparison to the above mentioned, it was a hoot!
