You never see the hard days in a photo album...but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next.

A very warm welcome to my thoughts and opinions. These lyrics from Megadeth's Peace Sells resonate with me. What do you mean, "I can't get to work on time"? I got nothing better to do And, what do you mean, "I don't pay my bills"? Why do you think I'm broke? Huh? What do you mean, "I hurt your feelings"? I didn't know you had any feelings. What do you mean, "I ain't kind"? I'm just not your kind.

me.

I have a penchant for sweet delights be it chocolate lava cakes or eye candy in my favorite tv show. I adore being a couch potato and my recent addiction is NCIS and The Big Bang Theory.

6:39 PM

Sunday, September 23, 2007

I have alot of work to do and catch up on but work that I simply can't bear to even begin coz it's just painful to have use so much brain cells and get everything shot and shred to bits.

I have to finish my Harry Potter book but even that seems like a chore somehow suddenly.

I want to tell everyone hey look I'm ok but I can't seem to formulate the words in my head.

I really appreciate everyone's kind comforting words. And I know everyone thinks hey it's just your granny get over it already man. She was 83/87 lived a full life what the hell is your problem. I don't know. Not like I haven't experienced the death of an extended family member before. I have. But somehow this is much bigger bitter pill to swallow. I've become a lil tired of the qns "are you ok" coz really all u wanna hear is ok. So either I lie and say yea ok or say coping and make u feel uncomfortable. So what should I do? Say ok, laugh along with everyone and try to feel as if life is as normal as it used to be. Try not to beat myself up for all the things that I haven't done, try my best to be the pillar of strength for my mother. And thanks to everyone for their concern for my mom, but I have to say if you expect me to say my mom is a-ok I feel that's just not right, my mom was extremely close to her mom and she will not be a-ok this fast. Grieving is a process that everyone has their own timeline while I know alot of people don't know what to say that's really ok coz I've been there done that too.

I dunno I seem to be going through some weird emotional turmoil that the only person at this point of time who can truly understand me is my mother. Who's been by my side no matter what and I'm very thankful or I might have lost my sanity with everyone else seeming to demand alot more than I can possibly give. I realise that something inside has changed and I've become this person who's angry all the time, angry at people who I work with, whom I live with, whom I talk to very easily. And most of all I become so angry with myself. I personally think I've become a person that no one really wants to be around with.

So much anger.
So much impatience.
I don't even know how to make it all go away.
So what does Melissa do?
She goes on Facebook. Yea she joined the masses.
She finds all these people she used to know albeit briefly and wonders how they've become.
How she managed to drift apart from all these people?
How these people viewed her in the past with all her ridiculous childishness?
I don't know why I join things like Friendster/ MySpace (some mongrel hacked into my acct it was my fav) / FaceBook, you give ppl the chance to reject you offer to add to friends then u feel stupid, then you wonder why, then you wonder all this time they smiled at you they were faking it and why they dislike you so much. den you wonder how many ppl actually really truly like u and really truly wanna be ur friends. does having more friends really make things better? personally more of a believer of a few good friends den many friends who dun know u that well. but how many ppl do i really truly let in?

ah too much rambling. too many question. too lil answers. and a sinking feeling in the pit of my tummy. which could be the diarrhea (had it since morning). ugh. pt to note dun eat leftovers tt no one wants to touch if ur mouth suddenly gets itchy.