I wanna talk about decision making today.

The thing is ever since I was a young kid I've always known exactly what I wanted, how I wanted it and when I wanted it.

But I've learnt slowly but surely this isn't exactly socially acceptable.

Once when I was younger I went out with my cousin who was giving me a treat. Now in my young mind I had done something to deserve it so I could choose whatever I wanted and I already knew it. I chose Swensons together with all the dishes and I never asked all the other people who were with us what they wanted or whether they would like it. I just zoomed forward.

After that, my mom gave me a real severe tongue lashing for being so damn inconsiderate.

My mom's words really sunk in and from that day onwards I did my very best to ask what others wanted which results in alot of the times no decisions being made at all. Mostly cause everyone can't come to a consensus and sometimes you need a leader who's willing to make that decision and go with it.

I know alot of times it comes across that I can't make a decision to save my life.

The actual issue is I rather say "I don't know" in a few instances,

* one would be I'm not taking the fall for a wrong decisions that someone or all of you may not like,

*another would be hell man I ain't even gonna try making a decision coz no one takes my opinion seriously anyway I'm just wasting my time so you guys decide I'll just follow

But the truth is if I was by myself without having to worry about anyone else's feelings or being considerate or having be socially accepted and all that nonsense I would have just gone to eat what I wanted and been happy about it or party where I wanted. If I made a mistake I have no one to blame but myself. I've always always trained myself ever since I was a kid to take responsibility for the consequences of all my decisions. I knowingly make wrong decisions at times but its what I want not what someone else wants and I can accept the consequences.

Its very difficult to stomach someone else making my decisions for me, its like I've lost the most important core of myself.

Another thing I wanna talk about is "waiting".

I realised lately especially I'm always waiting.

Waiting for my boss to come back. Waiting for my colleagues so I can finish my work. Waiting for my friends to decide when they are free. Waiting for my friends to tell me whether they wanna go out. Waiting for my parents. Waiting for movies to come out soon. Waiting for sales. Waiting for acquaintances to make up their minds coz I have no say in the matter.

I've spent HOURS waiting for people. Hours of precious time that I could've been using for so many other productive stuff. I want to do plenty of stuff too. Lots of people don't want to do what I want to do. So what do I do?

Do I continue to wait for the whole universe to tell me how to live my life?
Or do I start living my life without waiting for the whole universe?

Yes I am rather bitter about this.
Simply because I can see myself doing lots of stuff I rather be doing than WAITING.

Its become a very very bitter word for me to even say.

There was a time in my life I gave up waiting for everyone and I just went ahead with what I wanted to do. I think I was the most productive during that period of time.

Now I'm just wasting.